listen. forgiveness is hard. my wife reminded me of this. what are we taught? "forgive. never forget." and with the "never forget" part we hold on. when in actuality we must let go. holding on suffocates you. it literally holds you back. i am not saying let whatever happened off the hook and open yourself back up instantaneously. no. not at all. we are programmed to protect ourselves. so protect yourself but don't shut yourself down. that gives the other person all the power. it says to them that what they did was so damn crippling that any life after that experience will never happen. mind you there are lots of things that happen that are traumatic and take time to heal. forgiveness is a process. healing is a process. heal. take as long as you need. forgiveness is part of that equation. forgive them. forgive you.
forgiveness is the act of releasing the weight of what was done and taking the proper steps to becoming fully okay. okay could be two months two years two decades. everyone has their own path. one day you'll wake up and all that hate all that animosity all that sadness all that rage will be gone and you will wonder why it took so long or that it took enough time or that you wanted to feel all of that longer. whatever it is consider this: forgiveness does not work with conditions. it's not about them. it's about saying and feeling what you need to and being heard if you are able to. and being heard doesn't have to be done by the person who harmed you (or vice versa) because whether that person is there or not they are simply a mirror.
forgiveness is about you. it's about looking at yourself and working on that part of you that is holding on to what is holding you back. you know what it's like after having a hard conversation of getting something off your chest and the relief that follows. you feel better. same concept with forgiveness. notice. reflect. express. release. heal. and when you're truly ready to forgive you will have no expectation of them changing their behavior. you don't have that control. remember: it's about you. i love you. 8.1.17 (781)